I only think of you on two occasions...

Dotyn,

The other night I had a dream about you. You were dressed in a beautiful black suit with a black hat, and your skin was smooth and healthy. You were practically glowing.

When you spoke, your voice was clear and strong. You said, "Erica, you're being selfish."

Even in death you're keeping me in line! That's so you. Never a bad time to set someone straight.

I'm lucky to have you watching over me. Day and night.

I love you!

Dotyn, you would love Jack. He's such a happy, sweet baby. And smart too! At seven months, he's already starting to feed himself and trying to walk on his own. I'm always telling him I love him. Sometimes I even say it the way you used to say it to me. Do you remember? "I looooooooooove YOU!" I can still hear your voice saying it. I loved you so much even then. And I knew you loved me. I never for a moment in my life doubted it. I still love you. And now for every hug and kiss I can no longer give to you, I give them to Jack. I'm passing your love along to him.

Still Grieving

Dotyn,

I'm not sure what I expected to feel by now... But somehow I'm not surprised. I think about you every day. It's always been that way, even before you passed. Sometimes it feels good to remember how you molded my life. How you inspired me and taught me about love and faith. How you would sing... How you would laugh...

And sometimes it weighs on my heart. In those moments all I want is to have your arms around me. Protecting me like you've always done. And I have a feeling that you still are... But sometimes it's not enough. I know my grief is selfish. You were in pain, you were tired, and you were ready to rest. Maybe one day I'll be ready to let go. Not let go to forget you. But let go to free myself of the pain of losing you. And when that happens, all I'll be left with is the joy of having known and loved you all my life.