Spontaneous Tears

Dear Dotyn,

I'm sorry its been a while since I've written. I still think about you every day. There are so many things that cause my thoughts to wander towards you.

Sometimes I'm not thinking about anything in particular, but I start to cry anyway. All it takes is to feel the breeze in a certain way, or to hear a certain sound. Random smells and tastes can do it too.

The other day, I was near the end of a run when it happened. Or, more specifically, *you* happened... My iPod shuffled to a song I know you've never heard before. The lyrics and melody didn't particularly remind me of you either. But there I was, running on the street, suddenly in tears.

At the time, I was quite happy. I was exhausted, but thrilled about my run. And the song was uplifting and motivating me to finish strong.

...And then grief.

Since you passed, I've had more moments of happiness mixed with sadness -- and seemingly spontaneous tears -- than ever before in my life.

Maybe its because I'd grown used to sharing my moments of joy with you. And now I can't in the same way that I used to.

Or maybe it's because, when it comes to happiness and sadness, one cannot exist without the other.

Maybe you are my first real reminder of that.